January 15, 2011 | By: Tracy

Show vs. Tell Blogfest Entry


For those of you who aren't familiar with the blogfest here's the general gist:  Participants choose from a list of pictures & create two brief - or in my case very brief - versions of the same scene. In one you SHOW what's going on and in the other you TELL. The idea being, no matter how good your TELL is, SHOW will always be better (just like in our own manuscripts. Get it?)

So here's my TELL version

There was venom in the princess' eyes as she forbade the knight to come one-step closer to the ailing dragon. He was beyond stunned that she viewed him as a villain and the monster as the victim. While he'd inflicted barely more than scratch on the beast's arm, she glared at him as though he was found guilty of kicking a puppy. Nor was the damned thing helping to further his cause by watching his every move with that frightened gaze.



And here's my SHOW version:

"If you come one step closer, by God, I will breathe fire on you myself."

Her scowl left him with no doubt the princess meant her words. "But . . . but, I was trying to defend you from that monster, Your Highness."

"Monster? Why, he's barely more than a baby." She stopped bandaging the beast's wound long enough to level him with another hard stare. "A baby you attacked like some senseless brute. I swear, you give a man a sword and he'll look for any excuse to use it."

His jaw dropped for a full second before he caught himself. "I am a knight. That is a dragon. I'm supposed to use my sword to protect you from this sort of thing. Besides, I barely scratched him."

"Well then, I suppose it's lucky for him, you're not very good at protecting me." She turned her attention to the skittish dragon beside her and a soothing lilt entered her voice. "There, there, it's all right. I won't let him hurt you anymore, little fellow."


THE END

Okay, so those were my entries. If you liked them, GREAT!

If you didn't, then you should go away because I don't like you very much. (kidding)

Anyhow, if you enjoyed this and are interested in seeing what the other blogfesters have done for their entires, click on the Blogfest banner above. And please stop by Misty's blog on Monday to vote for your favorite.

12 witty remarks:

Pk Hrezo said...

I love the pic you chose. And good, sturdy examples. The show was much more interesting! :)

Madeleine said...

I liked your take on the picture and I enjoyed the flow of your writing. :O)

Jodi Henry said...

Love the show. Your dialogue is great! Poor dragon. And poor knight, can't catch a break for trying to save a princess.

J

Dominic de Mattos said...

I loved the dialogue! (actually I love your whole writing style!)
I chose the same picture but rambled on a bit! LOL
I think this is a prime example of where the telling was really good, but the showing was better :) (unlike mine!)

Misty Waters said...

I didn't think anyone would choose this picture! So glad I was wrong. It totally cracked me up when I saw it.
Anyway. *turns ultra serious* GREAT JOB! I so love your voice - you already know this about me - and your examples of show vs tell were spot ON. Perfect.

Christopher S. Ledbetter said...

Awesomeness. I loved the fresh take on the picture. Dialogue was witty and clever. Great job.

Donna Hole said...

Aw, poor baby dragon. I could feel myself falling into the Princess character, taking on her disgust.

Well done.

......dhole

Charity Bradford said...

I love the show and the Princess's spunk. This is my favorite line:
I swear, you give a man a sword and he'll look for any excuse to use it.

Great job.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

The show was great. You drew me in immediately. Men. Sometimes it's hard to live the reputation most of them give the rest of us! LOL. Roland

Mia Hayson said...

I totally loved the princess in the show. So strong and unafraid. Brilliant!

Meredith said...

Such a cute snippet! I love the personalities in the show version :)

Tessa Conte said...

lol GREAT princess you've got there! And I LOVE the show! The tell was good, too, but your two pieces really...ehm...show how showing can have a greater effect than 'mere' telling.

: P

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