Overwriting

Before I get into things -- I wanted to thank you all for your suggestions on books to check out on my Nook!! I've already added a couple to my "wish list" and I'll be checking more out before I leave next weekend.

Okay, now on to this post . . . 

I received two more query rejections this week, which brings my overall tally to:

Queries Sent: 12
Rejections: 9
Still Pending: 3
Partials Requested: 1
Partials Rejected: 1
Fulls Requested: 0
Fulls Rejected: 0


Given that I'm what I like to call a Tweaker, I've been taking a look at both my query and first chapter. I'm not talking a complete overhaul, but looking for ways to brighten. I think my query is tight, but it might be a little too straight forward and missing a bit of the ever-talked-about VOICE.

The overwriting comes in on the first chapter. It's the only part of my story that I'm not 100% happy with.

For the most part I love my story, and I've read the thing from end to end more than a dozen times over (yeah, shocks me too). The story starts where it's supposed to, and it has all the information I need to move the plot forward . . . but there's something about Chapter 1 that doesn't feel quite right to me.

I'm starting to believe what's wrong with it is that it is OVERWRITTEN.

So much emphasis is placed on how important our first chapter --  page --  paragraph -- line -- is to capturing the reader/agent's attention that we sometimes have a tendency to overwrite the damn beginnings in an attempt to make them spectacularly interesting. The problem with this is that it comes off as sounding too much like someone begging to get your attention . . . and it can be about as charming as the guy at the party who doesn't seem to understand what "not interested" means.

Now, I don't think my first chapter is guilty of gross overwriting, but I'm starting to think that I was trying to be too coy or intriguing while writing (or re-writing it). So now I've identified the problem, but can I fix it?

Anyone have any tips, tricks or thoughts for how to write the ever-elusive first chapter that sings, without crossing into overwriting? Anyone find themselves in the same situation? 

It's Okay to Press "Pause"

Yesterday I had a "Oh, come on" moment in regards to my manuscript.

As noted, I've been having a tough time getting the right feel for what to put in the pitch for my query letter. It finally dawned on me, my problem might be a little too much mystery involving one of my characters in the beginning of the book. Because of that mystery, I've been having a near impossible time trying to figure out how to slip him into the query -- and he needs to be there, since he plays a major role in the dilemma the heroine faces when it comes to being with her love interest.

Anyway, here's the part that came as a shock to me when the lightbulb finally went on. The mystery about him in the beginning of the book isn't really necessary. (Part of my problem, being a fan of LOST has turned me into an inadvertent secret keeper in my writing, at times) Sure, it plays as a nice little "Oh my gosh" in the middle of the book as it stands now, but the dilemma would actually be more powerful if the reader new this information earlier on.

*Slaps forehead against desk*

In all honesty, it isn't that hard of a fix to make. It won't involve any sort of major re-write, just a minor reshuffle of info in a couple chapters. Probably about a week, maybe two, in the "fix-it" stage, and it will make it much easier to write him into the pitch, without having to divulge the big twist at the end. I'm just still kind of shocked that after all the read-throughs and numerous revisions, I never realized this before. Probably, because the story reads fine as it is now (otherwise, my betas would have mentioned it to me), but this minor shift would make the telling of the story that much better.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is ... I'm learning another valuable lesson on the road to becoming a published author. Patience - it's one thing to say it, another thing to practice it. I'm learning that sometimes, even when you think you're done, you aren't really done. It's frustrating to realize a need to stop and do one more thing, but in the long run I owe it to myself and the manuscript to give us both the best chance to succeed, right?

Has this kind of thing happened to anyone else, where you've had to stop querying for a short while to fix a situation you didn't realize existed? If so, and it was a MAJOR re-write, did you do it? Or did you put the whole thing on a back burner and complete something new first, before going back to it?